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4 months 1 day ago #851958 by fingers
fingers on topic Found this funny
A Scot walks into a chemists shop (pharmacy) and reaches into his sporran. He pulls out a well used prophylactic and slaps it down on the counter and says to the pharmacist “How much to repair that?”

The pharmacist picked it up, poured some water in and watched a drop form at the tip. He replied, “Ach laddie you’re right, it’s got a bit of a hole. A bit of latex and a bit of rubber cement I could repair for around ten pence but it would only cost fifteen for a brand new one”

The Scot reaches across the counter, picks it up, puts it back in his sporran and says “ I’ll take under advisement. Be back in a day or two.” and out the door he goes.

Two days later he comes back in, the pharmacist looks at him and says “You’re back. Have you decided what you’re going to do?”. The Scot replies “Aye, the regiment has decided upon replacement.”.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Dave Scott

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3 months 1 week ago #853703 by Lionel
Lionel on topic Found this funny
Why parents go grey.


The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "no".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what? asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper"

Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:

"They're looking for me”.

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3 months 6 days ago #853716 by Mac
Mac on topic Re:Found this funny
😅


Sent from my Ferrari using Tapatalk

"Lot 226, 2016 NYS, Diamondveld, R1.5m"

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2 months 21 hours ago #856148 by Lionel
Lionel on topic Re:Found this funny
A traveling salesman stops at a roadside diner for dinner. Sitting at the counter he sees the special of the day is his favorite dish cold chili, so he orders it.

I'm so sorry sir the waitress says, the gentleman sitting next to you got the last one. Ok, the salesman says, just a ham sandwich and coffee.

While waiting for his order, the salesman notices the man next to him is not eating his chili. After watching for several minutes he finally asks, are you going to eat that chili? No, the man replies, so the salesman asks him mind if I eat it? Knock yourself out the man replies and slides the bowl over.

Digging in with gusto the salesman gets about halfway through his chili when he finds a dead mouse, which causes him to immediately vomit everything back into the bowl.

Shaking his head wistfully, the man says yup, that's about as far as I got too!

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1 month 3 weeks ago #856536 by Lionel
Lionel on topic Re:Found this funny
A woman in Norway is facing up to 3 years in prison on criminal hate-speech charges after saying that a man cannot become a lesbian.

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1 month 3 weeks ago #856540 by Muhtiman
Muhtiman on topic Re:Found this funny
......true story....yesterday afternoon while walking the dog in the neighborhood... I saw some not so young school girls kitted out in Christmas regalia stop outside a residence and start singing Christmas carols while holding the the intercom button open.....I told them that I dont think that the people that lived there would appreciate their beautiful singing....and they said why not......and I responded....because they are Jehovah witnesses' .....:oops:

My idea of "help from above" is a sniper on the roof
and a higher power is a hell fire missile armed drone.

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1 month 5 days ago #857648 by Lionel
Lionel on topic Re:Found this funny
A son went up to his father and said, “Dad, can I please get a cell phone?"

The father replied, "Sorry, son. You know the rules. You can't get a cell phone until you get your first job and can pay for it yourself."

"But that's not fair!” said the son. “All my friends got cell phones, and they didn't have to wait until they got their first jobs!”

The father replied, “Maybe so, but your friends aren't forty-two year old men who are still living with their parents!"

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1 month 5 days ago #857665 by Mac
Mac on topic Re:Found this funny
😊


Sent from my Ferrari using Tapatalk

"Lot 226, 2016 NYS, Diamondveld, R1.5m"

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1 month 2 days ago #857885 by bayern
bayern on topic Found this funny
You don't have to watch the whole show, click on the 8.10 minute mark :-


Guessing has never been widely acclaimed as a good gambling strategy

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1 month 2 days ago #857887 by Dave Scott
Dave Scott on topic Found this funny
🤣

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4 weeks 1 day ago #858191 by bayern
bayern on topic Found this funny

Guessing has never been widely acclaimed as a good gambling strategy

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4 weeks 1 day ago #858201 by TNaicker
TNaicker on topic Found this funny


At one stage, a long time ago, I would have thought and found this funny...now I just felt sad watching it...sad to see a person deteriorate in public and those around him don't care...

Life's too short to have a long face...so, cherish the good, learn from the bad and forget the rest...

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